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6.12.05

when guys think..

I wonder just how comfy can the couch be?

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These
are our rules! Please note... these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big
girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you
need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what
your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a
problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want it done. Not both. If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have
to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions
and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have
to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know
men really don't mind that? It's like camping

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